Aoshi's Unfortunate Day
by Dragon Mistress
Summary: Aoshi has the unfortunate habit of getting hit in the throat. Let’s see what happens to him at an ordinary day of stupid chores at the Aioya.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. It and all its characters, situations, etc., etc., are property of Nobuhiro Watsuki, Shounen Jump, Fuji TV, and so forth. No money is being made off this.  
  
**Summary:** Aoshi has the unfortunate habit of getting hit in the throat. Let's see what happens to him at an ordinary day of stupid chores at the Aioya.  
  
**~Aoshi's Unfortunate Day~**  
  
Aoshi Shinomori woke up in his futon on the floor at the newly-reconstructed Aioya. Just like always.  
  
He got up, stretched, folded up his futon, and put on his plain beige kimono. Just like always.  
  
He crossed to the window, opened it, and took a deep breath. Just like always.  
  
Then Okina's carrier pigeon shot through the window and hit Aoshi in the throat!  
  
Which was _not_ just like always!  
  
Aoshi gagged and fell over. He rubbed his throat vigorously. He wanted to shout curses at the infernal pigeon, but he couldn't talk. So he merely rolled on the floor, gurgling, until help came.  
  
It came in the form of Misao, who had heard Aoshi falling down and had come to rescue' him. She burst through the door of his room, waving a broom over her head and shrieking shrilly. When she saw Aoshi rolling on the floor, clutching at his throat, she shrieked even louder and fell to her knees beside him.  
  
Aoshi-sama! Aoshi-sama! What happened?? Are you hurt? Please don't die! Where does it hurt, Aoshi-sama??!!  
  
Aoshi merely gurgled, pointed at the pigeon, and then at his throat. Misao seemed to understand, and relaxed visibly.  
  
Aoshi-sama! Don't ever scare me like that again! She got to her feet. You're always getting hit in the throat with things. I know! I'll buy you a neck brace for Christmas! If I have Hiko-sama make it out of clay, it'll never break, so you won't have to worry! Come on, get up, Oumime has breakfast waiting! And with that, she was off.  
  
Aoshi staggered to his feet, coughed, spit some blood out the window, and headed to breakfast.  
  
Misao and the others were eating when he arrived. He sat down and drank about three cups of water before he started eating, just to wash the nasty taste out of his mouth. At last he noticed Oumime giving him hurt looks, so he started on his food. He had eaten exactly two bites of rice before the door slid open and Masukami entered, looking very excited about something. Guess what, guess what!!  
  
Everyone asked, except Aoshi, who raised an eyebrow and took another bite of rice.  
  
Hiko-sama asked me to marry him! Masukami said dreamily.  
  
At that, Aoshi choked on his rice. He leaned forward, fumbling for his cup, but only succeeded in poking himself in the throat with his chopsticks!  
  
he coughed, falling over backward and upsetting the table. Food went flying, and there were shouts and curses as everyone else jumped out of the way. Coughing violently, Aoshi soon found himself surrounded by the other six members of the Oniwabanshu, all of whom were glaring at him.  
  
He looked up at them from under his long bangs. Er - sorry?  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Two hours later, Aoshi had finished scrubbing all the floors in the Aioya. The girls, still intent on punishing him, made him go outside and sweep the courtyard. So Aoshi took the broom and swept, occasionally picking stray grains of rice out of his hair and the collar of his kimono. As he swept, he wondered what was going on today. He had only been up three hours and already his day had turned from fair to horrible. Maybe the gods had finally gotten around to punishing him for all his wrongdoings.  
  
One consolation, the day couldn't possibly get any worse.  
  
Or so he thought.  
  
He had just finished sweeping when a loud voice called, Shinomori! At last we meet!  
  
Aoshi whirled around so fast he nearly fell over. Standing on the porch with Masukami was a man with long brown hair, wearing a ridiculous red-and-white cloak - it was none other than the potter, famous swordsman, and Masukami's fiance - Seijiro Hiko.  
  
Hiko smirked. Cleaning house, are we?  
  
Aoshi lied, hiding the broom behind his back. He glowered at Hiko. What are you doing here?  
  
My fiancée brought me home for an engagement party. You don't _mind_, do you?  
  
Aoshi lied again, crossing the courtyard. Hiko studied him critically as he approached.  
  
Shinomori - is that _rice_ in your hair?  
  
Aoshi didn't answer. Instead he stuck the broom in a corner and went inside the house.   
  
It was bedlam! Misao and Oumime were struggling to hang a banner reading Congratulations Masukami and Hiko' over the door, but as they were both very short, they were having a notable lack of success. Shirojou and Kurojou were yelling at Okina, who was dancing on the table where they were trying to roll sushi. Okina took no notice of them and kept dancing, his evil carrier pigeon flitting around his head and chirping happily.  
  
As Aoshi slumped, with a sigh of resignation, down into a corner to try and pretend he was invisible, the door slid open again and Hiko and Masukami entered. Hiko was carrying an enormous bottle of sake, which he set down on the table. He heaved a huge, fake sigh of exhaustion.  
  
I'm tired from walking all the way here. His eyes twinkled and his evil smirk widened as he set eyes on Aoshi. Shinomori. You wouldn't mind opening the sake I brought, would you? The cork's a little tight, and... I can't open it.  
  
A lie. A total lie! Hiko had more muscles in one arm than Aoshi had in his entire body (which was saying something, as Aoshi considered himself in excellent shape). But rather than make a scene, the leader of the Oniwabanshu gritted his teeth and got up to open the damn sake.  
  
Hmm. Stuck. Aoshi tugged harder. The cork remained stuck. It was stuck in there pretty good. With a growl, Aoshi seized the cork and tugged as hard as he could.   
  
*POP!* The cork came out suddenly, and Aoshi's clenched hand hit him right in the throat!  
  
Aoshi let out a very strange noise that sounded like a turkey getting its neck wrung, and fell over backwards for the third time that day. He closed his eyes and coughed violently. Judging by the shrieks he heard, he was coughing up blood. Naturally, seeing the beating his throat was being subjected to today.   
  
Misao sobbed from somewhere to his left. Aoshi-sama! Oh no, he's dead this time! Just when I finally looted enough money to pay for our wedding!  
  
said Shirojou's voice. He twitched when you mentioned a wedding. I think he's alive.  
  
Smooth move, Shinomori, came Hiko's jeering voice.  
  
A heavy weight suddenly landed on his chest, and Aoshi opened his eyes. It was Misao, who had flung herself onto him and was crying.  
  
The third time today! Aoshi-sama! You must be under a curse!  
  
Aoshi replied, then turned a brilliant shade of red. He turned his head, spat, cleared his throat, and managed, I'm okay, Misao! He ignored Hiko's sneering look, and continued, I think I'm going to go lie down. I don't feel very well.  
  
He struggled to his feet and headed for his room as quickly as possible, hoping to salvage the last remaining shreds of his dignity. Misao followed him to his room and insisted on laying out his futon for him. Aoshi allowed her to do what she wanted, which included tucking him in and singing him a lullaby. Finally she kissed his forehead, turned red, and ran off.   
  
Aoshi closed his eyes and reveled in the silence. His throat hurt. And he was extremely tired for someone who had barely done anything all day. He cursed Hiko ten million times in his mind. He imagined simply waltzing up behind Hiko and stabbing him with his trusty kodachi, but if he did he'd have the wrath of Masukami to face. He twitched. And it was no good challenging Hiko to a duel; if Aoshi had lost to Himura, he was certain to lose to Himura's sensei.  
  
He massaged his throat and tried to think peaceful thoughts. Right now, all he wanted was a nap.  
  
At some point he did fall asleep. But it wasn't very peaceful. He kept having flashback-dreams in which he relived all the times he had been hit in the throat by something. Finally he woke up to a scratchy throat and sweaty bangs stuck to his forehead.   
  
Heaving a raspy sigh, Aoshi got up and trudged down the hall in search of water.  
  
The Aoiya was silent; peeking out one of the doorways, Aoshi saw that the others were all sitting under the cherry trees in the courtyard. In annoyance, he _also_ noticed that they had made a mess of the place he had so meticulously swept. He scowled, but tiptoed off to the kitchen so as not to attract anyone's attention.  
  
The water bucket in the kitchen was full. With a grin of anticipation, Aoshi lowered the dipper into the bucket, his parched and gritty-feeling throat crying out for water. He started to raise the dipper.  
  
AOSHI-SAMA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT OF BED?!  
  
Aoshi jumped at the sound of Misao's voice from behind him. His hand jerked, and the handle of the dipper collided painfully with his throat.  
  
Aoshi coughed, turning his head and spitting out a startling amount of blood. He'd be tasting that coppery flavor in his mouth for the next few weeks, he was certain.  
  
OHHHH NOOOOOO!!! AOSHI-SAMA!!!!!! I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN!!!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST STAY IN BEEEEED???!!! Misao threw her arms around his waist, sobbing unrestrainedly into the back of his kimono. Aoshi twitched and tried to pull her off, but at the current moment he was feeling just a bit too weak to do it. Resigned to his fate, he let Misao cling to him and sob.  
  
After about twenty minutes, Misao realised Aoshi was not going to die. He was still standing, at least, and looked fine, despite the fact there was a thin stream of blood running down his face from the corner of his mouth.  
  
Aoshi-sama! You're cursed, I swear! But don't worry! I am going to find a way to help you - let me go get Gramps! She hurried off. Aoshi breathed a sigh of relief and was finally able to drink his water.   
  
Okina came running into the kitchen as Aoshi took a fifth drink. Aoshi stared at him over the rim of the dipper. Okina was dressed in a shrinekeeper's white gi, blue hakama, and tall black hat. He had a number of paper charms tied to several sticks clutched in one hand. He was wearing high wooden sandals and was waving an incense burner. Misao, dressed in the same fashion, scurried in behind him, her arms full of scrolls of parchment, bottles of ink, and calligraphy brushes.  
  
Er.... what's going on? Aoshi asked blankly, re-covering the water bucket.   
  
Okina and Misao bustled around, setting things up and turning the kitchen into some sort of makeshift shrine. I told you I'd find someone to lift your curse, Aoshi-sama! cried Misao, excited by the fact that, Aoshi could only suppose, she had done something her leader would be grateful to her for.  
  
Well, tough luck. Any tiny bit of gratitude Aoshi might have felt died as soon as Okina began binding a hazel branch to his forehead.  
  
Er... what's that for? Aoshi asked, feeling somewhat like a tree.  
  
Hazel will call forth the spirit, Okina said impatiently, as if this was common knowledge.  
  
Duh, Aoshi-sama, Misao said, rolling her eyes.  
  
Next, Misao rolled in a huge gong. Okina draped a bright red cloth over Aoshi's shoulders. Now, Aoshi, stand perfectly still! Okina began circling Aoshi, waving his charms in the air and chanting a sutra Aoshi wasn't familiar with, while Misao banged steadily on the gong. Aoshi squeezed his eyes shut in embarrassment. This was truly the stupidest thing that had ever happened to him... him, the leader of the Oniwabanshu...   
  
Well, at least there was nobody watching. Or so he thought, until an undeniably masculine giggle was heard in between gongs. Aoshi's eyes flew open and he saw Hiko peeking at him through the window.   
  
That was just too much! All day long, Aoshi had been suffered to play the part of a fool! Well, no more! He was going to put a stop to this right now!  
  
he shouted at Hiko, throwing the red cloth to the floor and ripping the hazel branch off his forehead (taking a large chunk of his bangs with it*, but he didn't notice until much later). He seized the huge butcher knife Oumime used to chop vegetables, and jumped out the kitchen window.  
  
So you want to fight, Shinomori?! Hiko shrieked, pulling his wooden sword from the folds of his voluminous cloak. Well, then! Bring it on, Spanky!**  
  
I'll get you! Aoshi yelled, charging towards the enormous man. I -   
  
*WHUMP!*  
  
Aoshi tripped on a stray rock and went flying, landing flat on his face at Hiko's feet.  
  
Misao shrieked, throwing aside her gong mallet and running to her leader's side. Aoshi-sama! You've done it again! You're cursed!  
  
She seized him by the shoulders and hauled him up. He was dripping blood, and his nose looked broken. Misao fainted at this ruination of beauty, but Aoshi inexplicably beamed through the blood.   
  
Boo-yah! I'be broken by doze! For once I dib't poke byselb in the throat! (Translation: Boo-yah! I've broken my nose! For once I didn't poke myself in the throat!)  
  
Okina beamed as well. I knew my charm would work! The throat-poking demon is gone!!  
  
THE END  
  
(P.S. - Aoshi's nose healed all right, so he was just as beautiful as ever once the bandages came off.)  
  
* Anyone who's read the manga, refer to Aoshi's bangs in Volume 3 during his first appearance (when Kenshin and Megumi saw him on the bridge with Kanryu). That's what he looked like after ripping the branch off his forehead.  
  
** My favourite Super Nintendo game is Earthbound. At one point, one of the enemies you fight shouts, Bring it on, Spanky! just before he engages you in battle.


End file.
